


Wish You Were Here

by authorallyy



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Crying, F/M, Game Grumps - Freeform, Grief/Mourning, Letters, Listen to that while reading this, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Memory box, NSP, Polyamory, Wish you were here, either version will make you cry, pink floyd - Freeform, prompts, sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7514617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorallyy/pseuds/authorallyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny is having trouble properly mourning. While Suzy is slowly accepting it, going through Arin's things and trying to come to terms with it, Dan is barely taking care of himself, stuck in a rut because Arin is gone. Suzy then comes over to deliver a box with Dan;s name on it, which breaks Danny down to properly accept that Arin is no longer here. || I thoroughly suggest listening to Wish You Were Here while you read, either version will make you cry. Sorry for the tears. Spur-of-the-moment idea from a random prompt 'She held a tattered box in her bandaged hands.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wish You Were Here

The crash, the broken glass, he blood, the limp bodies that had sat in front of me. It all still haunted my mind, making it unable for me to sleep or rest at all. I made Barry leave me at the apartment, saying I was too tired to record, and I was. I had been in the same black shirt and jeans for days now, barely slipping them off to shower, to stand under the hot water and contemplate why it couldn't have been  _ me  _ instead.

 

My hair wet, I stepped out of the now cold shower and slipped on my clothes again. Wrapping a hair tie around the damp curls I balled at the back of my skull, I left the bathroom and found myself flopping on the couch. Face first into the cushion, I idly listened to whatever show Barry left on before he left. How long had it been? Long enough for the water to go cold. When Barry left to when I decided to shower, I couldn't comprehend. It was hard to accept that time was passing without him.

 

Within two episodes of  _ Pit Bulls and Parolees _ , I had rolled over to actually watch. Without my glasses or contacts, the screen was just a tad bit blurry, nothing I wasn't used to. What I didn't expect was the door to ring as I mashed my cheek on the pillow.

 

I thought I had instantly gotten up, but before my feet made the ground, whoever was there at the door rang again. They were either persistent or had been waiting for me to get off my ass and answer it. Opening the door, a painfully familiar face stood waiting. Suzy had a few small bandages at her head, her hands and arms covered in bandages. One was even casted, scribbles from the Grumps already littering the faintly pink cast.

 

She held a tattered box in her bandaged hands.

 

“Dan, I know you’ve been feeling like shit..” She started,looking up to me with sad eyes. I leaned on the doorframe, tired from the lack of sleep. “I was going through some if his stuff last night when I couldn't sleep, and found this box marked for you..”

 

She held out the box, as far as she could without bending her elbow from the angel it was casted in. it was a beaten Asics shoebox, the top holding scribbled letters in his handwriting.  _ Danny. _

 

Instead of taking it, I stood aside and gestured for her to come in. 

 

She complied, leaving the rental car at the curb, for their-  _ her  _ car was now totalled. Seeing her arrive in an unfamiliar car stung like a slap to the chest. I closed the door and followed her in. Feeling at my hair, it was mostly dry. How long had I been laying there? I pulled the elastic from my hair and shook out my hair before sitting beside her. She set the box down in front of us, before she muted the TV. I took a long breath. 

 

“Did you..”

 

“No, it’s marked for you. I thought you should open it. I could go if you--”

 

“No, no. I just- no.” I stared down the box like it wa taunting me. This ratty box, corners beaten in, the colors dusty, the writing on the top scratched at and worn like something had been on top of it. This box was  _ his _ , he touched it, he kept it he stored something inside. It was taunting to have that but not him here with me, with me and Suzy. He was ours, and now all was left was a dusty box and tears, so many tears.

 

When Suzy’s arms wrapped around me, I realised I was, in fact, crying. My cheeks wet, my nose already starting to run, I leaned into her embrace  and rested my forehead on her shoulder. My hands returned the hug, my hands balling at her back, pulling her shirt into my fists. 

 

She was wetting my shirt too, as my break of emotion get her going as well. She knew just how I felt, we both loved Arin and Arin loved both of us. We loved each other too, but it was hard to think about that when it was Arin who had brought us together. Suzy had known him much longer, been dating him for much longer, and hell, even got to marry the guy before I met him. Whatever horrible feelings I was feeling, had to be triple on her part. I held her as tightly as she held me.

 

It was a long few moments before we started to compose ourselves, still in each other's arms for comfort. Suzy was the first to let go, more for the sake of her cast and how her doctor wouldn’t be happy if she fucked up the healing process by having it in such an unnatural position for too long. I released my fists and laid the crumpled spot of her shirt down before pulling away. I wiped at my eyes, wiping the wet eyelashes from getting in my eye, wiped at my cheeks as if that would help how tear stained they must be. Suzy had came with no makeup, thankful she didn't leave mascara streams down her face and on my shirt.

 

“We should open it,” I said, my voice creaky from crying. I took many gulps, trying to right the ball of pain at the base of my throat. She nodded, before resting her good hand on my shoulder. I hesitantly pulled the box in my lap and opened it.

 

Inside, was first confusing. Papers, receipts, an envelope that poked from under a little pad of photos. I reached in and fiddled with one paper at random, a receipt, pulling it out fully to read it. It was a Cheesecake Factory receipt, holding two meals and a cheesecake dessert. _ First date _ . 

Pain struck my chest as I remembered. Arin’s dopey smile, his insistent tone when he said he wanted to pay, his glittery eyes under the moody restaurant lighting when he made me laugh. It was our first actual date, even though we had been technically dating for a few weeks before that, and we had been pining over each other for about a month before that. We had talked like strangers, getting to know each other past the little bits we shared on grumps, how we talked long past the chocolate dessert we ate together.

 

“I didn't knew he saved shit like this,” I choked out, the ball of pain I had tried to subdue growing threateningly in size. I pulled out another, it was a single Starbucks drink, a favorite of mine. Accurately pointed out by Arin’s scrawl again.  _ Dan’s fav _ . I couldn’t breathe. The guy was a romantic at times, he liked to remember things and make things special for me and Suz. This.. I didn't know he did. Saved little bits and pieces that bookmarked each date, each little things about me, my favorite restaurants and what I get most often, important dates, when we shared our first kiss, this time written on an old game booklet ‘notes’ page. 

 

I couldn't breathe, but I pushed on. Pulling the little plastic papered envelope of pictures, I untaped it, the tape looking worn like it had been opened and re-stuck several times. Inside, was my face.

 

Not just my face, but many others. Photos I remember taking with Arin, some candid that I must've not known he had taken. Some from group dinners or just everybody joking around, me in the centerfold. Some in the grump room in his home, the only one, some in our new one. Some were photos I recognised from instagram or other social media, that had been posted over the years. Then there were the ones that never were and never would see the light of social media. A photo of him, behind me on the couch, kissing my hair because it got in between him and my cheek, as his arms were slung around me so he could snap the photo. One of me and him, probably snapped by Brian, of going over lyrics in the soundbooth when recording Starbomb. His arm was slung over me, his head on my shoulder as I blabbed about whatever the hell  I was talking about at the time. One was of Suzy and I, faces pressed together, lipstick tinting my lips from kissing her. Ones of Arin pecking my cheek as I slept, in some hotel room early in the morning. One at the table at the grump space, us mid-kiss, taken by who knows who. 

 

“I took that one,” Suzy said softly, leaning on me to see too. “Arin- Arin had slid me his phone and said to go crazy before the meeting started. At the end of the meeting he gave you a kiss and, I snapped the photo. He was so happy when I got it, I didn’t know.. I didn't know he printed all these out..”

 

“Oh god,” I set the photos down and pressed the back of my hand to my face, holding my breath as another sweep of emotion overcame me. Tears wanted to spring up in my eyes again, my chest felt like it was on fire.

 

“He wrote a letter to you?”

 

This time, Suzy reached in and pulled an envelope signed to me. She set it on top of the rest of the things, letting me be the one who opens it.  I shook my head silently, trying to make my lungs work again.

 

“I can't-” I gasped past my hand, pinching my eyes closed as tears threatened to pass. “ I can't do it Suz, I can't read what he had written I just can't-”

 

What the hell could he have written? It’s not like he knew. The car accident was what it was, an accident. He couldn't have predicted that some fucking drunk fucking bag of fucking dicks ran the light and collided right into his side of the car. He couldn’t predict that he was going to be knocked into a concussion induced coma and-- and--

 

I couldn't even think about it.

 

“C-Could you?” I asked quietly, opening my bloodshot eyes to look over to her. She looked so small and fragile, I immediately wanted to yank my words from the air.  I couldn't ask her to do that, what’s wrong with me--

 

She nodded softly, meeting my eyes. “Only if you really want me to..”

 

“Only.. Only if you can..” I looked away, biting the skin on my knuckle.

 

I watched as she pulled the letter out and opened it, unfolding the lined notebook paper inside. It was a long moment before she started reading. Her voice was quiet, small.

 

 

“Dear Dan,

 

This letter is probably an unbelievably stupid idea but it was an idea anyway, so hear me out. Who knows when you’ll get this, it could be when we’re old, it could be after we bang and you’re snooping through my closet while I’m sleeping. Whenever you read this, I just hope you’re happy. You’re like a tall beanstalk of sunshine that a lot of the time, I need. So please stay happy, no matter how you get this.

 

So hey Dan, I just said I loved you for the first time. Out loud really. You and Suzy man, are gunna be the end of me. I love both of you so much and I’m happy to finally spill the beans. You went all pink and smiley when I said it, and by golly you said it back. My heart is still doing those fucking bothersome backflips knowing you feel the same way. Jesus, I’m lucky to have you.

 

I really don't know why I'm writing this, but I just found you asleep in the grump room, snoring reeaally loudly, and I wanted to I guess, document this. You look like a dork. I love it.

 

Today, you were the happiest I’ve seen you. It’s the video with Steel Panther and you are fucking crazy about it. Dude, you’re wearing spandex next to Ralph Saenz and you were so fucking happy. You’re such a weirdo and I love that about you. Also, thanks to you I got  _ Road Trip _ stuck in my head. LET’S BUST A LOAD ON SUMMER FUN!

 

When the fuck did you start calling me Big Cat? Why do I love it so much? I need a nickname for you. Little cat. Assbutt. Boner Boy. Must consult Suzy on this.

 

Okay Suzy just told me all about this, apparently I was so tired on the show I started babbling about how much I love you? On camera? And demanded Kevin kept it in? I wonder how that's gonna go. Update, episode aired and I watched it. My hearts’ all heavy now, come back from Jersey soon, Big Cat misses ya.

 

SO uh, now I really hope you don't see this early. Because I think I might want to marry you. God, being married to you and Suzy sounds like the dream, Dan. I want to make it official, that you’re both all mine. I think I might sneak off and look and rings when I go with you and Barry to the mall tomorrow. I really want to pick out something special because you’re special to me. I spent hours trying to find a perfect ring for Suzy and I’ll do the same for you because I want you to love it just as much as I love you. I want Suzy to be there, so I can kiss both of you when I propose. I don't know when that'll be, but I hope soon. Suzy would probably want to plan the whole thing, try to get me to wear a dress. Hell, I might because you’d get a laugh out of it. As long as I get to say I do.”

 

The jumbled paragraphs, all written in different pens as he added more and more throughout the years, cut off there. Suzy had a hard time reading that, as expected. There were a lot of moments when she had to stop and compose herself, a few times when a sob broke through her speech and stopped her from reading clearly. A few times where she choked a laugh out, eyes instantly starting to sting with tears.  _ Oh, Arin. Big Cat. I wish you were here, so I can kiss you and tell you how much I love you, too. So I can say I do. _

 

 

The letter fell to the carpet and Suzy and I were crying again. I leaned forward and set my head in her lap, while she curled around me. We let it all out, cried till I succumbed to my tired mind and curled on the couch, snatching the letter from the floor to hold to my chest, box quickly moved to the coffee table. I kept my head in Suzy’s lap, still sniffling. She moved my hair from my face and set her cool hand on my cheek. Tears might have dried but my eyes stayed closed. My body yelled at me to rest, after days and days of barely skating by. 

 

Barry had came home , finding Suzy gently petting my hair as I slept, slightly crumpled letter still in my hands. They shared a few soft words that I could barely hear in my stupor, not quite sleeping but not quite awake either. Maybe I had cried all I needed to cry for Arin, time would tell. I don't think I could do game Grumps now, and no one expected me too. For now, everyone expected me and Suzy especially to rest and mourn him.

  
_ Come back soon, Big Cat. I miss you too. _


End file.
